Passion vs Validation

fashion, fashion, and more fashion

Dolce and Gabbana

Have you ever heard of the phrase “I have a passion for fashion”? Well that was me. At about the age of ten, I started to really get into fashion and design. For the next three years, I would live and breathe fashion design. Pinterest became my best friend, and hand sewing became my livelihood. Then I turned 14, got a sewing machine, a cell phone, an Instagram account, and everything kind of went downhill and plateaued for a long time. Why? Let’s start over, at 10 I had some sort of epiphany, a true understanding, a zeal if you may, for the world of fashion. I was so intrigued by the models, the beauty, the designs and the designers. I thought it was the coolest thing for one single person to think of something so beautiful and then be able to make it. I desired to be a designer with all my might, so I started designing. I started off with doll clothes, made from shirts that I couldn’t fit anymore. Then I started making handbags out of old denim jeans. I made necklaces/scarves from old t-shirts. I never missed an episode of Project Runway or a re-run of America’s Next Top Model. This was something I wanted, and I could do it, but something happened. I started using social media.

The Best and Worst Thing Ever

This GIF is the property of @dennismoore (giphy.com)

Social Media is a great tool to use, if you know how to use it. If not, it could lead to a lot of mental issues and focus issues that you didn’t have before. For me when I started to use social media, it was just something fun to do. I wasn’t on it for hours at a time, and it didn’t really mean much to me or to my fashion career. Pinterest was the only social media app that I used that aided in my fashion career at the time. As I continued to use it through the years, I noticed that I used it more and more every day, until I finally realized that social media had completely taken the place of my dedication to fashion. I was no longer sewing, drawing, or doing the things that I needed to do in order to advance myself to the next stage of fashion design. Instead of sewing, I watched people on YouTube sew. Instead of drawing, I watched people on Instagram draw. Instead of coming up with original work, I copied others, just to see if I could even reach the level they were on, and I couldn’t. Of course, I couldn’t, I had completely neglected my calling, my talent, my dreams. Throughout the years between 10 and 17 I had several “semi-successful businesses”. I sold custom tote bags, I made skirts for a dance team, I have done over 15 custom denim jackets, and I even did holiday décor. So, not a complete lost cause, just inconsistent and unfocused. I guess you could say I wanted a get rich quick fashion career. I wanted everyone to see my designs, buy my designs, and just fall head over heels because it was my dream to be a fashion designer. However, I quickly realized dreams were not enough, and there needed to be some action behind it.

Almost…

So now 17 rolls around, and I’m getting ready to graduate high school and go to college. I wanted to go to a design school, however I just knew I was not prepared for it. I had no proof or evidence that I wanted to be a fashion designer. I had no portfolio, or any garments, all I had was a dream and a sewing machine collecting dust. I wanted to go to design school, graduate top of my class and be a world-renowned fashion designer, but I couldn’t even sew to pieces of fabric together. So, no design school for me. Now I’m 18 years, I finally start to realize that my hopes and dreams aren’t just going to be given to me. I order the student design pack from Adobe design and get to work. I start to rework some of my hopes and dreams and start to make an achievable plan. During the ages of 18-19 I started to relight the fire I once had for fashion. I made an achievable plan for my future and started working toward it. I start drawing, researching, blogging, anything to help me to get my fire ablaze. However, the fire would never grow past a few feet. There was still something that wasn’t right. Despite trying everything, I still didn’t feel like I was improving. Now were at 20, present day, and I’m still trying to make my dreams happen, but again something still wasn’t right. I began to think and ask myself a series of question. Why do I want to be a fashion designer? Why did you start to like fashion? What if nobody like your designs? I realized, that I had lost my passion for fashion, and started looking for validation instead. I wanted to design, so that people would like my designs, which in return means they would like me, which in return would mean that I would feel better about myself and justify my past actions. I didn’t love fashion anymore; I just loved the idea of the attention fashion would bring.

Finally!

It’s September, 2019, I’m 20, and I had some sort of epiphany, a true understanding, a zeal if you may for the world of fashion. I’m no longer seeking validation. If people like my design’s huzzah, if not, oh well. I redesigned my plan for my future. I’m no longer looking to make fashion for my own gain, I want to make fashion that will help others. I redesigned my plan, and now I’m really working on my future in fashion design. As a matter of fact, I am starting my brand in January of 2020.

Getting to this point in my life where I learned my true purpose in the fashion world, I why I wanted to be there has taken a long time. However, I am glad I’m here, and I am glad I was able to learn from my past mistakes.

This GIF is the property of @alextrimpe (giphy.com)

As always, thank you for reading today’s post. Also, sorry if this story is all over the place, I tried to organize and stay on topic. After writing this post, I realized it’s a little hard to write about yourself.

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